


Though My Eyes Could See

by LadyShadowphyre



Series: Sastiel Love Week 5 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Protective Castiel, Sam Can See Castiel's Wings, Sam Has Self-Worth Issues, True Mates, Uriel (mentioned) - Freeform, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:36:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/pseuds/LadyShadowphyre
Summary: The first time Sam Winchester saw Castiel's wings, he thought he was dreaming.





	Though My Eyes Could See

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgirlgonegeek16/gifts).



> SLW Day One: Firsts

**T** HE FIRST TIME that Sam ever saw Castiel's wings, he thought he was dreaming.

As exhausted as he was at the time, it was the only explanation he could come up with for why Castiel, whom he'd thought was his  _ brother's _ guardian angel, was even in the hotel room with him when Dean was most assuredly  _ not _ there. That Sam was alone in the hotel room was his own fault, since he could have gone with Dean to the bar, but he'd recognized the look in his older brother's eyes and he was just too tired and, well,  _ heartsick _ to be interested in watching Dean on a more carnal hunt tonight. Not after Uriel's earlier condemnation and the bitter reminder that the powers he'd used, foolishly thinking he could help people with them, came from the same demon responsible for killing his mother and Jess.

He'd been lying on the innermost bed, partway to dozing and trying to remember the exact shade of Jess's eyes - they'd been blue, but there had been green flecks in them when the light hit them just right - when the air in the room changed and Castiel appeared by the bed. What made Sam startle and nearly fall off the bed, however, was the flurry of feathered wings shifting and flaring around the otherwise still body belonging to Jimmy Novak, looking very much like someone windmilling their arms to keep themselves upright. Sam didn't know what sort of expression was on his face, but Castiel's curious look snapped him out of it enough to greet the angel cautiously.

"Uh, Dean's still at the bar down the street," he added a little lamely when Castiel continued to simply stare at him curiously. The wings had settled down into what looked like a casual ready position, halfway folded against his back, and Sam fought to keep from staring at them like an idiot. He hadn't seen them when he'd met Castiel before, and looking at them now he knew there was no way to miss them; they were  _ huge _ , mottled in several vibrant shades of purple, and seemed to be glowing in the dim yellow light of the hotel room's single lamp.

"I am aware of Dean's present location," Castiel answered evenly after a momentary pause. Sam fought down an embarrassed flush. So much for not acting like an idiot. Of course the angel would know where his charge was. "I wished to speak with you, Sam."

"I'm sorry," Sam blurted out, looking away from the angel and trying not to hunch in on himself more than he already had. He knew he'd screwed up, using his powers to defeat Samhain, but that he'd messed up badly enough for  _ both _ angels to seek him out for chastisement was a worse blow than he'd expected. Still... "I know I'm not supposed to use my powers, but Dean was going to die!"

"Did you not believe that we would bring him back?" Castiel asked. There was something in his voice, something almost carefully neutral, that made Sam hesitate.

"Dean said you pulled him out of Hell because Heaven has work for him," he answered slowly, hesitantly looking up through the fall of his hair at the angel. "And so far that work seems to have been about saving seals, or at least dealing with the aftermath of the ones that break. Except this time we had to save the seal, but failed. The seal broke, and Dean was going to die at Samhain's hands. I can't imagine that you would let Dean's soul be dragged back down to Hell after going to the trouble to bring him back, but... there's apparently a lot about angels that I didn't imagine." Like being willing, possibly even eager if Uriel was any indication, to smite an entire town of innocent people just to get rid of one or two. Uriel's threats that if Sam stopped being useful he'd be the one the angels would smite had been unexpected as well, if less of a surprise given how much they seemed to hate him already.

"There is," Castiel agreed. Sam watched as the massive wings shifted and resettled against the angel's back. "However, that is not why I wished to speak with you."

"It's not?" Sam asked, uncertainly. If Castiel wasn't here to chastise him for his powers or his diminished faith, then what was the angel even doing here? And why was he showing Sam his wings?

"No," Castiel opened his wings, the many-hued purple feathers spreading out halfway like someone holding out their arms to keep their balance, and stepped forward. Sam flinched back unconsciously - balance or not, those wings were still intimidating - and Castiel halted, tilting his head to one side curiously. "You retreat from me." He hesitated, wings lowering. "You are... afraid?"

Even with as blank as the angel was keeping his vessel's face, there are was still an undeniable aura of sadness being projected from those drooping wings. Sam swallowed, choosing his words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was offend the angel again.

"You're--"  _ Intimidating? Scary? Freaking me out with how huge your wings are and how much I kinda want to run my fingers through your feathers-- no. _ "--one of Heaven's warriors," he said at length. "I'm no longer sure what to expect from that--"  _ Except for contempt and death threats. _ "--and that makes me feel--"  _ Nervous? Anxious? Arou-- NO! _ "--wary of your intentions here. With me."  _ The boy with the demon blood. _

"I understand," the angel said evenly. In contrast to his borrowed face and voice, his wings seemed to sag even further. "When you fought against Samhain, your victory was accompanied by a mild cerebral hemorrhage from straining your powers without an amplifier. I intended to approach you and ensure that you suffered no lasting physical damage and, if there was any damage, to heal you."

Damage. Damage to his brain. If this wasn't actually a dream, then maybe he'd suffered brain damage and was just hallucinating the wings because his mind somehow expected to see wings on an angel? It didn't explain the purple, but maybe that was just a trick his head was playing on his eyes because he had brain damage from using his powers without having taken a dose of Ruby's blood to boost them first and now he wouldn't be able to hunt and he wouldn't be useful and the angels were going to kill him oh God please--

"Sam? Sam!"

Sam flinched violently away from the unexpected touch, eyes wide and chest heaving from the cycle of panic that had flared in his body and made it hard for him to breathe. Above him, Castiel's wings flared open wide and he shrank back further as he stared up at the angel who was staring down at him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice tight and strained as he fought to drag air into his lungs past the choking knots of panic. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry...."

"Be still, Sam," Castiel interrupted his quiet litany of apologies. Sam fell obediently silent, still staring up at the angel, and the wings twitched forward, then drooped once more. "Forgive me. I have somehow distressed you despite not wishing to do so, and I do not know how to rectify the situation."

"...kill me..." Sam rasped, unable to force more words past his panic just yet. The words made Castiel frown and his wings twitch in agitation.

"You wish for me to kill you?" he said uncertainly. Vehemently, Sam shook his head, pressing his back so hard against the headboard that he was sure to have bruises. "What, then, do you mean by these words?"

"You... you said... damage..." Sam managed to choke out.

"Damage which may not even be present, and which I intend to heal if it is," Castiel said patiently. "Do you believe there to be damage sufficient enough to kill you should you not receive healing?"

"Uriel said you'd kill me if I stopped being useful!" Sam burst out, voice higher than it had been since he had been a teenager. Castiel's eyes went wide, but now that he was speaking Sam couldn't seem to stop. "And you said there might be damage to my brain, which would make me a liability, and surely it would be more logical to eliminate the deadweight instead of make the effort to fix me, you don't even like me and I don't know why you're here and I'm hallucinating--"

Two fingers connected with the side of Sam's head. He fell silent, frozen, and for one heart-stopping moment he feared that Castiel had finally gone ahead and moved to smite him. Then warmth began to flow into him from the point of contact, soft and fluid like water. At first it was only a thin trickle, but soon the warmth was rushing through that contact into his head and down his back and arms and throughout the rest of his body, soothing the pounding in his head and the tightness in his chest, the ache in his muscles and the low fire of strain and exhaustion in his joints. Almost as quickly as it began, the warmth retreated back along the paths it had taken, leaving Sam to stare blankly up at Castiel, free of pain, as the angel slowly drew back his hand once more.

"You are healed now," Castiel said, almost unnecessarily. "Now you will not be a liability, though you were not one before I healed you. Uriel had no business making threats against you, especially when no such orders to harm you have been passed down."

"Thank you," Sam said, at a loss for anything else to say. Castiel blinked, and his wings lifted, fluttering slightly as they moved. Sam tried to follow the movement, but without the constant nagging pain, his fatigue was starting to catch up with him and he found himself yawning.

"Sleep now, Sam," Castiel  said, his tone oddly soft in a way that made the order seem more like a gentle request. "I will watch over your dreams."

"You don't need to," Sam tried to say, but the words became garbled by another yawn. Okay, sleep was definitely on the agenda. He shifted back down the headboard until he was lying on the bed, still dressed and on top of the covers, but feeling no need to change either state. Castiel nodded, wings folding back up behind him.

"I know that I do not need to. I find, however, that I wish to ensure your rest is not disturbed this night," the angel said. He paused, head tilting, then asked, "If you would not mind telling me, what caused you to believe you were hallucinating?"

"Mm... wings..." Sam mumbled, blinking sleepily and so missing the way Castiel stiffened in shock. "'Cept you healed me and I can still see 'em, so I must be dreaming instead..."

"You are... seeing my wings?" Castiel asked, an unreadable tone to his voice that Sam's exhausted brain couldn't quite parse. "Were you... also able to see Uriel's?"

"Nah... jus' yours," Sam mumbled as his eyes slipped closed. "S'funny... never pictured... purple wings before..." He hummed a soft almost laugh. "Dunno why... beautiful...."

"Perhaps one day I will tell you," he thought he heard Castiel say, but he was already slipping away into sleep, and no more words followed him there.


End file.
